Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
