I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
