we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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