Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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