if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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