If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
