my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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