Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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