So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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