omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
