Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
