hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
