return my video game
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
