The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize