If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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