Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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