This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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