i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
