Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
