yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
40s are totally the cure
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
