I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
