I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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