its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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