Christians are straight up FREAKS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's shark week go big or go home
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
