just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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