Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
