I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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