we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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