It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize