i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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