what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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