the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
