Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
