make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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