I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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