FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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