Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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