Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
