just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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