I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just high enough for therapy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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