The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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