found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
