I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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