So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
