I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't judge my taste in strippers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
