You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
