p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
