Someone shit on the floor
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
