i always forget guys have bellybuttons
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
