This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
