fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
