he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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