i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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