I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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