She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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