So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
