I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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