Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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