Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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