my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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