I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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