Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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