Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
