Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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