I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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