She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize