This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
