He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
