we have pet lesbian snakes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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