Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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